Having three people on a six person lift, one would think you have plenty of space to spread out. Our first Numbskull on the Lift Award winner seems to have no sense of space or awareness below his ankles. I’m sure you’ve sat next to this guy on the lift before. The first time he knocks his board on mine, I let it go. Even the second and third, I’m thinking, “he’s getting settled, he’ll stop when he realizes he being a kook”. No, this went on at least 10 more times, so now I’m scooting over to the end of the chair to get some distance. This maneuver however, allows him now to actually cross his legs so that now his board is on the seat of the chair making a wall between me and him. As politely as I can muster, I move his board aside so I can ask him “Dude, really”?
Our female Numbskull on the Lift Award winner goes to a girl I have affectionately named Saliva Sally. I’m not sure if she has some odd medical condition, but she needs an exam. The amount of sputum produced by Saliva Sally was truly remarkable. Sally would lean forward and let one fall between her skis, and then turn around, and hock another loogie behind her. This went on repetitively, for the 10 minute duration of the lift. Sally would even hang one, to see how long her drool could get before it dropped off onto the snow. I reckon her record was an eight incher.
And the 2017, Biggest Numbskull on the Lift Award goes to Peyote Pete. I struck up a conversation with Pete, who was very nice, but a bit misguided. Pete has been trying to quit smoking cigarettes, and has been doing quite well, but informs me he is only going to smoke for ceremonial reasons. “Gee Pete, I didn’t know cigarettes were used ceremonially” I interject. “Well, you know if I’m in a sweat lodge smoking peyote. Peyote is all natural, and the plant will teach you want the plant thinks you need to know and life lessons you need to learn.” Pete replies. “However the last time I smoked peyote, I projectile vomited for an hour straight”. “Oh, so I assume the plant was trying to teach you that you need to purge all that crap out of your system, right?” But Pete, also a vegetarian, insisted that this plant provided more of a cleansing of his soul than his body. I’m thinking smoking cigarettes might be better for him.